I don't always get my own way

Do you ever get to that place where you just can’t be bothered? You know you need to be somewhere, or do something but really you heart is just not in it? Then when you bother to do it, you are glad that you have?

I found myself there today. It has been 44 degrees today. No Air Conditioning. My fan is circulating the hot air in the building and everything feels horrible.

My heart sank when someone said… “Hey it’s Church tonight.” That was the last sentence I wanted to hear. There is a LOT of church type meeting here: Sunday for 2-3 hours, Monday morning for 1.5 hours, Wednesday Home Group, 2ish hours, Thursday evening 2 hours, so if a girl isn’t careful she could spend her whole time in “Church”. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t mind it.

However, tonight I did. The thought of church in this heat, with all the dancing, singing, more sweating, a hot sound desk and listening to preaching…. Well…..it’s fair to say I asked the Lord if I had to really had to go? I would have much preferred to stand in a cold shower for 2 hours.

As it turned out I think God knew better! For me the service was amazing. There was a time at the end when we as missionaries were able to go and pray for the boys standing at the front! I prayed for a few of the guys and then came to pray for an older guy who was weeping. I put my hand on him and he broke. I don’t know what was going on with him but I know that the overwhelming sense of sorrow I had for him was real.

I sat with him for ages both crying. Sometime words don’t express the deep level of pain in life and tears become a common language. I prayed what was on my heart for him and trusting God knew all about it. I gave him a hug which seemed to break through some more of the pain and communicate that he did matter and he wasn’t alone in his place of sorrow.

At times not having the language here can be frustrating, other times actions speak louder than words. I think this was the case tonight. I was so sure I didn’t want to go to church, and yet in my stubbornness I believe God gave me a gentle reminder that despite all my weakness, he knows what he is doing, he will have his way in my life and use me no matter how much I think I know best.