Moment of Surrender

As some of you know I have texted re Lucia. As I write she is on her way to the hospital with a variety of problems. I sit here and feel hopeless and useless and the only thing I can do is pray. I have to trust God knows it all. She is only 9 months old and has many things going against her survival.

This is my moment of surrender, where I folded to my knees, where I can do nothing in the human level but in the spiritual realms leave it all with God and trust him and trust for the best outcome for her which only he knows. I know she is a fighter, if she wasn’t she wouldn’t be here today.

Today at the Bocaria we were teaching about the fruit of the spirit being peace, and I have to hold onto that tonight. God was very present there today and it was lovely. Sometime my frustrations here are massive but at other times like this afternoon I see why its all worth it.

The sound of Silence

Ok, so it has been too long since I wrote! I have been really busy with life here, plus I have had a few friends out to visit.

It has been reasonably “normal,” here with things going on as usual and not much to report. Heidi was here last week but I missed her as I was away for a few days.

I have been driving more than I have done before. Driving here is another story of craziness and something which increases my levels of trust in God!

Having my friends Jacqui and Isy here was a real blessing. Not only because they brought cases full of presents for the kids and me, but it was contact from home. Thank you to all who sent things. It really is much appreciated and they will be so useful here. Getting to hear U2’s new single was a highlight, as was the Haribo, flumps and Dark Knight. Being able to show people a little of my life here has been great. Isaac (age 10) was a hit with the kids, thought I think he found the attention at times a little overwhelming, but he was great with them and the babies.

Having people who really know me here and laughing with them has made me realise how little I get to do that. So the last week has seen a lot of laughter, from seeing a rat squashed under a truck to the kids learning to say “how do you do” as they shake your hand.

One thing which I am still laughing about – when in Mozambique you often find things are backwards, or in reverse, or have no logic. Often the taps are the wrong way round or a driver on the road will reverse when others are driving forward - that kind of thing. Anyway we went out for lunch – and ordered a Hawaiian Pizza – we were told there was no pineapple. That was fine - we decided to order anyway and it would just come with ham. Great! So the pizza arrived. It had tomato, cheese and ham, all the things we were expecting. What we weren’t expecting is the fact that they had used their brains and because they didn’t have PINEapple – they put apple on instead. Only in Mozambique! We did eat it, but it was weird.

We headed to Kruger for a few days where we saw 4 of the big 5 and have taken many photos to which I will post a link. Kruger made me realise the level of noise I live in here. It was peaceful and quiet, except when the Hippo talk. I have seen more birds than ever before in my life and also seen a monkey and a cricket attack people.

Lucia has been quite up and down. Isaac prayed with her when he was here ( I know others did too) but when we came back from Kruger she was so much better. That prayer was really answered.

Our Centre Directors leave tomorrow for their break and we are down to a few long termers at the moment, so lots of us are picking up extra responsibilities and would value extra prayer at this time.

Up on the Roof

Well, it’s Monday again, Bocaria today. Last week didn’t happen because we ran out of petrol on the way.

So today, we get there and can’t drive down to the church. Why?- Because after the rain of last week, part of the road had a landside and the other part looked like it had been washed away and refilled with rubbish!. We weren’t going to take a truck over that. One night of heavy rain and the road is gone. As we walked down to the church I saw that part of the dump had caved in and there was just a hole where once had been a heap of rubbish – the hole still quite full of water. What must that night have been like for those living here? The mind really boggles. Some of these people have plastic sheets for roofs tied to pieces of sticks; others of course have no shelter. Again I sit here and am very grateful for my corrugated roof over my head and the fact that my room didn’t flood.

This weekend has been an interesting one with various little things going on. The highlight was having nearly 30 visitors from the US Navy come to the base. When I say visitors, what I really mean is 30 sailors here doing voluntary work, painting, fixing, cutting grass etc. You have to imagine the scene 30 SAILORS (fit, muscely, tanned, strong and charming, etc) working here on base with a lot of single female missionaries! Quite a chaotic scene in places and for the record I don’t have one photo of them – and for those shouting, “No, I bet you have 100” – I don’t. I didn’t even take my camera out. My friend did and took great delight in telling me her zoom lens was working very well!! I must go see her photos.

Anyway, back to the point of writing about these lovely men…..I mean kind men, who came here to do voluntary work. Some had been assigned to work on the roof of the kitchen. They hadn’t been up there that long when one fell through the roof, 25ft onto the solid concrete floor. We are in Mozambique… backboards don’t exist here… neither do good CT scanners, x-ray machines – anything. What can you do in a situation like that except pray. The ships medic and all our medics came running. They took him to the South African clinic here. When the medic came and looked at the scene – he said “Yep – that’s normally fatal!” We have heard that the sailor only sustained a broken wrist – what a miracle, we really are thanking to God it wasn’t more serious. The sailors were a little bemused as to why the injury wasn’t worse – gave a good way in for conversations on the big God we have.

Two worlds, one family

Today has yet been another day of very mixed emotions and extremes.

I found myself lacking motivation this morning and had a lot on my mind as I went into Bible School to try and teach on “What is Praise?” It was one of those days when I needed the Holy Spirit to do something, and I think he did.

For homework last week I had asked the students to write a paragraph on a time in their lives when they found it really hard to praise. Some of the responses would have brought a tear to your eye. One guy said, “ I found it hard to thank God for loving me when I was doing bad things and had been drinking, but he stepped into my life and brought me hope and I give him thanks now each day because I can come to Bible School and I know he loves me, even though I wasn’t very nice.” Another: “I found it hard to thank God when my province was in famine; it felt like God had forgotten us. But I remembered that we have to pray whatever is happening in life and so I did and slowly food started to come in.” If felt like a real privilege to get a glimpse into these guy’s lives. Others were struggling with the fact that God hadn’t healed them yet, but were choosing to be thankful for other things in their lives.

Today I was using a CS Lewis quote from the book from which we are teaching. I asked how many had ever heard of CS Lewis and the response was as I thought it would be – no one had. How do you being to explain CS Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Screwtape Letters? I focused more on the quote than on him and it got me out of a tight spot! So maybe a search should begin for “The lion, the witch and the wardrobe” in Portuguese.

This afternoon brought a mix of emotions in a short space of time. One family re-united: another ripped apart because of an HIV+ diagnosis.

When I have the full story of the reunited family I will let you read it for yourself, but the basic fact is that an older guy who has been on the centre a while went for a can of coke at the gate, got chatting to someone, and another younger boy spoke up and said “you talk the same way as someone I know.” The person he knew turned out to be the brother (I think) of this guy and he knew where his family were. So this last weekend he went to see his mother for the first time in maybe 14 years! The smile on the guy’s face today was infectious. He was so happy he couldn’t stop smiling and if that kid hadn’t spoken up…. he would still be looking and wondering where his family are tonight. What a miracle!

The other end of the spectrum is a woman who has suffered domestic violence from her husband, and she discovered today that she was HIV+ because of his infidelity. Sadly from her appearance it seems quite far on, I hope it’s not too late for ARV’s to work.

Some days here are full of joy, others bring the harsh reality of life in this place but today has held both, and within about 30mins of each other.

This has been a tough week with one thing and another! If you are the praying kind please just keep me in your prayers from time to time. I really would appreciate it.

There's no heat without thunder

That is certainly true here. Last night the heavens opened and the sky got very loud and bright. It would also seem that storms here don't just arrive and go, they last for hours- 4 am was the last time I heard thunder.

As you know I am NOT a lover of thunder and last night tested me on my inner strength. I have to admit that I didn't quite win the whole battle. I was very grateful to a few people who were online to chat to, and also very grateful my roof held together and had no leaks.

I went into the city today: it was almost like a ghost town. Very few people were out: public transport not working: no sellers on the side of the street; a lot of roads flooded, some washed away. The damage after one night of rain unbelievable.





Lucia has been receiveing some treatment for her skin and I am glad to say looks like a new child. It is very encouraging.

Don't blame it on the Sunshine

Ok.... this is really really really not funny today. I am reading the news about the weather in the UK wishing I was there.

Today it's 110F in the shade and going on yesterday which was 130F in the sun today is hotter and we think its very close to 140F today. THIS IS NOT FUNNY. The Lord knows I was not built for this weather. I come from a country of rain, cold winds and more rain. Today I feel the Lord and I should have come to a better deal on the climate I went to.

So I am about to go and stand in a cold shower with my clothes on.

Life in Moz

A clip of life here over the last number of months.

Hope you enjoy it.

Life in Moz

Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday

Today I received a parcel from home... in it were contents I would normally get at Christmas.. I know it's the start of Feb but tonight I feel all Christmassy. I love getting something from home. Makes a gal feel special.

Today has been a lovely day, long but lovely. Church today for me lasted at least four hours. I think there were 400-500 people there. It was easily 44 degress with no breeze, many sweaty bodies and the fresh aroma of strong B.O. However, in the midst of all this there was a very strong sense of God's presence. And when you stop to think about it, there was no deoderant when Jesus walked the earth... and oh boy did he walk in some hot places!

Last night my house mate and I exchanged a number of words over the kitchen table. Gosh, that makes it sound like it was a rough conversation, what I mean is we were trading Portuguese and English words. Or as it turned out Norn Irish words, clearly my accent is stonger than I remember. Last night was a lesson on numbers.

So it was going very well until we hit the number 50! Clara pronounced it with the thickest Belfast accent I have heard in a long time. It reminded me of the sketch from the two Trolls M & 50 who go from Dublin to the North of Ireland for a day. In their opinion no one can pronounce 50's name right. If you listen I hope you get an idea of how Clara sounded last night and how much I fell about the kitchen laughing at the pronouncation. It's ok she wasn't offended I got a friend to explain exactly why I was splitting my sides. Oh and don't worry she gets her own back when I pronounce Portugese words and also make up a few Norn Irish/Portugues words.

The Trolls go "Up North".

Monday, Monday

I am thinking of starting a different blog – just for Monday afternoons at the Bocaria! Yet again…. I am amazed and come away so joyfilled.

For the last number of weeks we have been teaching on the Holy Spirit. Yesterday, we felt it was right to teach on being filled with the Holy Spirit. What a day!

Both Vella and I in the morning were feeling so sick, tired, had bad headaches. Vella came very close to cancelling it. Then we both twigged what we were teaching on and actually what was coming against us to attack and stop what God has intended for that afternoon at the dump.

So yesterday was about 42 degrees, which means the dump would be hotter and smokier than normal. JOY!

The teaching went well. I go to use the example of being filled with Holy Spirit by covering one of the boys in a gallon of water! The kids I am sure will never forget that illustration!

Then we asked for those who wanted to be filled to raise their hands, and slowly about 25 kids hands went up (there were about 40 there in total.) We went round them all individually and prayed for them. Nothing wacky went on, but it was clear that Holy Spirit was coming on them very gently and some lost in his presence and others burning with the power in them. Just a truly amazing afternoon and another reminder that God will see his purpose fulfilled regardless of how ill we feel and don’t want to do things.

It's a Gas, Gas, Gas!

For weeks/months there has been a real issue with the gas in Mozambique. It ran out long before Christmas and getting a tank was impossible, we even looked at bringing them in from South Africa. Well, finally the gas slowly started to come back into circulation just over 2 weeks ago. So hot showers again. Yeah!

That was until this morning…….. I got into the shower to find the water was back to cold! Surely we did not use a whole gas tank in one week. I know I like my showers but really. In fact I was right – we didn’t use it- the gas tank had been stolen! Well the truth is that it was disconnected and sitting the back garden. They had been disturbed last night trying to steal it!

Life here has very few luxuries. Hot water is one!! Now I am going to have to not only pray for the gas to continue but for the tank not to get stolen!! Deep Sigh – This is Africa!

Heartbreak and Joy

If you really want to be taken into new depths of understanding the suffering in this world then there is one simple request to ask of the Lord, “Break my heart with the things that break yours.” Let me tell you this is a very dangerous prayer to pray. I may have happened to utter these words a few days ago. It seems this is a prayer that the Lord is only too willing to answer quickly. BE WARNED!

So God took it upon himself to show me today one thing that broke his heart recently.
We have a new girl in the girl's area today and her brother has gone to one of the other dorms. She is lovely. Maybe I say that about all the kids, maybe I am biased but she really is.

We think that maybe she is 6/7 years old. Her mother abandoned them a while ago we don’t know when. So they were left in the care of their father. Her father decided to show her how much he loved her by repeatedly sexually abusing her. SHE IS 7 YEARS OLD. Every bone of righteous anger in me is ready for a fight tonight. Everything within me wants the world to listen to this. Yet everything within me knows, she is one girl. How many more girls are in the sex trade tonight, how many more is this happening to right now….. Somehow for me I find it harder when I know it’s a father who has done this. For me a family is a place of love and trust and safety (I know I am very blessed to have that). How can a father do this? How will this girl trust a father figure again… even more, how will she understand that the love from her Father in heaven is good?.

It wasn’t till I walked away from her that I was overwhelmed with sorrow and heartbreak for what she experienced. It took a while for the tears to stop. However, at the same time I was so thankful for her being able to come here and be loved by the amazing young woman who oversees the girl's area.

Muitos Palavra (Many words)

An interesting change of direction has been occuring in my life over the last few weeks. Apparently God thinks it would be a good idea that I teach in the Bible School here. Glad to say I can see him smiling at me and also being slightly amused at this prospect. So Friday morning sees me up for my first Class. I have two subjects, and I am very excited about teaching both (remind me of that in a few weeks, when the cries of "What am I doing?" may start!)

So I kick off on Friday by teaching on Praise and Worship and then after some changes I get to teach on Leadership – something I have had A LOT of input on from my church in London and am thankful for. So now I get to really use it.

Of course, you are probably thinking, "Teaching can't be that bad!" Well…… I have to teach a 90 minute class twice a week and with a translator! Oh, and I also have to teach in a skirt!!! Yeah! Now you are laughing at me. And think of the poor translator translating my accent! Please pray for it all. The preparation, the class, the translator and Me!

I have a new temporary house mate, Clara. She is lovely, from Brazil and at the moment speaks as much English as I do Portuguese, so we felt it would be a good idea to do some word exchange last night. We were still going at 11.35 – it was so funny (and of course very good educationally). I hear myself trying to explain to her the difference between – Our, Hour and Are! Well for those of you who know what my accent is like – there is NO difference in the way I say these three words. Poor Clara, she looked at me and said "Nao Entender" which roughly means "I do not understand". Bless her! If I was in her shoes I would "Nao entender" me either! So she is going to be learning Irish English. My other Brazilian friend Celia spent time in Toronto with a girl from Bangor so she can actually mimic me very well – maybe even a little too well!

So I am now heading to prepare a lesson on Praise for Friday.

Ponta d'Ouro

Living here, I have been told many times, you don't realise how much you need the break until you are away. Well I can now say that is certainly true. This last weekend I went to Ponta d'Ouro. It's a beach town on the very tip of Mozambique just before the border with South Africa. As the Portuguese speakers say "Muito Linda" which translates as very beautiful.

It took about 4 hours to travel 180km. I have never "off roaded" before so this was a new experience and one I would happily repeat again. I am very grateful to my friend Celia who drove her car through the pot holes, bumps and sand roads. I don't see how this would be possible without a 4x4. The craic on the journey was excellent and seeing more of Mozambique even better.

We stopped on the way south at a place called Healing Wings. It's an amazing place - a rehabilitation centre for drug addicts and alcoholics. The programme is one year. My heart was broken when I found out that their youngest resident at the moment is 13/14 years old – addicted to drugs. Somehow in my mind I stupidly thought people didn't mess with drugs till they went to Uni! How sheltered a life I have had in many ways.

One thing our guide said really stuck with me. She has been through the programme and is clean and now working on the centre. She is studying social work and in her own words has experienced too many social workers, etc. who didn't really help her. The only thing that made a difference in her life and helped her get clean was God. She has tried so many other options and came to Healing Wings as almost a last resort. But her testimony is that, "It was God who helped me and God who made the difference."

On the road down we met a traffic jam – cattle, felt like I was at home in Ireland. Very little of the road was tarmaced. We were driving though "fields" and sand dunes - nothing else in sight. Thank goodness we didn't have a flat tyre, or engine problems. The scenery blew my mind, but not quite as much as when we got to the resort.

It was right on the shore with a beautiful blue sea and sandy beaches. Just a little piece of heaven right on the tip of Moz. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. From the house we stayed in we had a seaview. Almost as good as Portballintrae! I remembered how much I miss walking along the edge of the ocean thinking about life. The weekend was just amazing - relaxing, refreshing, great company air con and incredible showers! I stayed in a power shower for an hour.

My one hope was to swim with Dolphins which sadly didn't quite happen as the sea was too rough.

The journey back took a slightly different route but one still as beautiful. We found a small reserve, with monkeys out in the wild, and some birds I have never seen before. All in all an amazing weekend.

Do have a look at some of the photos. I have to say this weekend was a much needed break – the life of a "missionary" is not always as plush!

7 in 7 days

In the last week we have had an additional 7 kids to the Baby House and 18 in total over the center, this feels like some sort of a record. It has been so amazing to be able to bring them here. Please see the photos.

The latest addition to the Baby House is Adilson who arrived on Wedneday. We are not quite sure about all the details of his story but malnourishment, abandonment by care givers, death of parents and possible abuse are all in the mix. What we have been told is that his care givers left him outside the house the whole day to look after himself. He is only just turned 2!

When he first arrived, when people went near him he let a defensive cry out of him. Thankfully I was one of the ones who he allowed get close. Big sad eyes, thin arms and legs and a extended stomach which most likely is full of worms as he has hardly eaten anything except dropped scraps of food.

Never in the West have I seen a 2 year old who knows to lift the end of their t-shirt to wipe their own tears away. The difference in a western 2 year old's life and one here really hits hard at that point.

Adilson turned 2 on Monday. I am sure there was no celebration over that and I wonder what those 2 years have been like for him.

I spent a lot of time with him on Wednesday and for a brief moment got a smile from his sad, scared face. I went back yesterday to playing with him and had another major break through – he started to laugh. I can’t begin to imagine what the adjustment is like from living in the community to here. But pray for him as he goes through it. He, like all the kids here is very precious.

Tonight church was yet another reminder of what God can do with broken lives. I watched one of our older lads deliver the message. “We must go and preach to the broken, the poor, those in jail. And take the love of God with us. God has a call for each one of us!” It did feel strange at the start to hear this message here, but yet so right. To see what happens in a young man's life when he totally surrenders to God and to see the anointing God has placed on him- feels like a privilege to know this man. The response was amazing and the church felt electric.

Well, I am off for a few days to the beach. This has possibly been one of the longest weeks since getting here. There are one or two “fires” I am fighting this week and would appreciate extra prayer. Also theft is mad at the moment. I arrived in church tonight to discover that the DVD player has gone. In one way this bitter sweet as we needed a new one anyway, but that’s not the point! Also do pray for Mozambique. Please see the news report.

So here’s to a safe journey and hopefully swimming with Dolphins (something I have always wanted to do).

Chosen

30 years ago today a choice was made about my life that I don’t at all regret. I was chosen by my adoptive parents to come and live with them and make us a family. That choice was the beginning of what led to me ending up here in Mozambique.

We all ask the questions: “I wonder what if?” or “If only I…” How different life could have been. There are moments when I know that if that choice had not been made I would have had a very different life. A life which would not have been nearly as full or vibrant or joy filled as it is and I would never have met many of you who are reading this. Of course like most lives there are moments of pain and sadness but today I am choosing to forget all those and to look at my many blessings over the last 30 years and give thanks for the loving parents I have.

Being here makes me realise how immensely blessed I am to have this. I am surrounded by kids who, at a very young age, have come to live here because a parent has died, abused or abandoned them or they are safer here. Some of these kids have no choice in this situation or the choice has been made for them.

God stepped into my life the day I was conceived and thought I was worth breathing life into. I know that some days God and I have big battles when I am not feeling too hot about life and the problems I have, which of course is me just having a grumble and not really being serious about the circumstances I am in. But on the whole I can look back with my “years of wisdom” and see his purpose and plan for me.

God thought I was worth fighting for to ensure that his plan came into being, and he placed me in a family. Each life that we come into contact with is also worth fighting for - for salvation, for health, for love, for respect. What is your reaction to the one on the street? Do they just annoy you, or do you see past the dirt and see a broken person just needing to be shown love? Every person is a human being and has a story, some of which are full of pain and some full of joy. But the choice is ours how we treat them , react to them or whether we choose to make their day better or worse. Do we choose to bless them or curse them? Words are powerful - chose carefully how you use them.

I love the scene in Indiana Jones when he has to choose the Holy Grail. “You only have one choice, choose wisely”.

I know some haven’t had great parents but we all have a Father in Heaven who loves us lavishly, who looks at us and cries with tears of joy as he carries us in his arms along the journey. The choice today is how we respond to him.